On Parenting....

My greatest hope is that my daughter (and any future children) don't HATE me. This is not the petty "I hate my parents because they won't let me ______". I'm talking about the plotting to run away, despise your parents, miserable existance of a childhood that you're actually considering killing yourself to not have to be around them HATE. Yup, that was me.

My Mom & Stepdad:
There was a point that I truly HATED my parents. I'm not sure of all the reasons why. To be honest, I try not to think about it. I was miserable. We get along now & I'm a little worried that I would start to hate them again if I tried to figure out the whole mess.
During the summers my older sister & I would have to watch our 3 younger siblings all the time. We were very rarely allowed to go do things with our friends. If they did call and ask it woud take a minimum of 20 minutes to get an answer then it was usually "no", so eventually friends quit calling.
If I were to get in trouble for something, it wasn't a you did this wrong, this is your punishment. It was several hours of yelling and fighting with nothing resolved. Depending on what it was, sometimes the belt came out. Oh yeah, good fun.
I got in trouble if I didn't have good grades. Yeah, you're thinking "who didn't". However, the screwed up part of this whole system? When I got home from school, I had chores to do (laundry for a familiy of 7), dishes etc. not to mention watching the younger siblings. Then there was fixing supper, then guess what, dishes again. So after all of this was done, we were allowed to do homework until our bedtime. Let me tell you. This was not much time. This whole screwed up parent thing was just my mom & stepdad. My dad is a whole 'nother thing.

*let me just say, it got much worse than this. I just can't get into it right now (or maybe ever)

My Dad:
My dad was absent to say the least. We would see him in the summers for awhile. You know how many times I have spoken to my father in the last six or more years? Twice. Do you know why I spoke to him? Wrong. Fucking. Number. I gave him my cell phone number probably shortly after I got it in 1998. My dad called me somtime in early 2006. I didn't even know who he was at first. By the end of our short conversation I was pretty sure it was him only because he sounded a little like my grandpa on the phone. Then he called me again I think last March. Once again wrong number. Both times he was trying to call his boss. Her name starts with an "s" so apparentley I was next to her in his cell. So, he's got my number he just has chosen not to use it. There's not much else to say about my dad. The last time I actually physically saw him? The summer that my youngest sister was born. She turns 15 next month. Now to give him a little bit of a break here, he does live in the state of Washington. I live in Kansas. So I understood that this wasn't an everyother weekend situation, but come on! One of my stepsisters lived in TX for awhile. My dad & stepmom went down for Christmas one year. I found this out from my grandma (his mom) after Christmas. Not a word from him. Even my friend Erin was able to stop in for a few hours for breakfast one morning on her way from WA to TX. Hmm, my dad won't let me know he's in the area but a college friend will.


So, those are my parents. Have I mentioned we don't hug in my family? Or say "I love you". Personally, I prefer it that way. Mostly the hugs I got when I was little were after the hours of fighting and apparently they felt a hug was necessary. Whatever. This is one thing that will not continue with me and my kids. I tell Faith I love her all the time. She gets smothered in hugs and kisses several times a day. I tell her I miss her when I haven't seen her for awhile. And she tells me she loves me too. Sometimes after I pick her up from daycare and we're on our way home, she's sitting in her carseat behind me and says "mommy, I sure missed you today."
I really truly hope to be a good parent. I want to raise my kid(s) to be happy, well adjusted and to know that they are loved. No matter what.

Happy Birthday to You!

Today is the day that 3 fabulous people were born! My sister in law turns 33 today, my niece is 5 and my friend Erin is 27! I'd sing, but it would scare children & small animals...maybe big animals too..and maybe the elderly. I better just not do it. But I hope you all have great birthdays!