A Funk

I've been in a bit of a funk lately. Because of all the past problems, I've been very reluctant to let myself get too excited about the baby. To some this may not make any sense but basically it's a defense mechanism, preparing myself in case anything happens. Logically, at this point, things should be fine. I'm well past the 13 weeks when your chances of a miscarriage drop drastically. I've had 3 sonograms in which the has baby looked good in. I'm still afraid that as soon as I tell someone else, something will happen.
We finally told Faith on the 11th. She is, of course, exicted about her baby sister. (no, we don't yet know what we're having but she is convinced!). I kind of feel like I'm cheating her a little because we still don't really talk about it much. I feel like I should be talking about it at least once a day with her to get her used to the idea. I mean, she's been an only child for almost 4 years, it's probably going to be a big adjustment for her!
However, the last couple days, I've been letting myself be a little excited about next friday. We have another sonogram on the 2nd and we're going to find out what the baby is (if there is cooperation!) and I decided that we'll take Faith with us. Now, at the same time, I'm freaked out that when we get there, something will be wrong. And Faith will be there.
There is some reassurance since I have started feeling the baby move. I've been able to feel it for at least 3 weeks. It very slight and totally irregular, but there.

Also, if Faith is right and it is a girl, I'm currently loving the name Isabelle.

1st Photo

So, here we are! We still haven't told Faith. I think maybe in a week or two. I jokingly told her baby sitter I'll probably find a reason to just keep saying "in a week or two" and be huge & a week before my due date & finally feel ok with telling Faith and not worry so much about something bad happening. We'll see!