Just Another Day....Sort of

So, here we are on a lovely April day in Kansas. It is snowing.

Now the real reason for today's post. Yesterday marked one year since my miscarriage. It does not seem like it could have been a year already. It doesn't seem like it was "yesterday" but maybe like it could have been last month. Tuesday, April 4th I woke up at about 6am gushing blood like nobody's business. On my way to the bathroom I told Matt he needed to get up, NOW. So, as I'm sitting in the bathtub (which if you ever think you're having a mc, you should do. Don't sit on the toilet because they'll ask you about clots, tissue and how much you've bled. You don't know these answers if they're in the bottom of the toilet. I learned this after I bled while being preg with Faith) I told Matt to get me some clean clothes and get Faith up because we were going to the ER. We got there and I'm sure I was a sight, what with dried blood caked on me and fresh still running everywhere. While they were trying to figure out what exactly was going on with me they removed ping pong ball sized blood clots from me. Yup, nice visual huh? The hopefull thought was that there was not any tissue, just blood & clots. So eventually they did a sonogram. Then shortly after that we found out the baby had died. Then, shortly after that they were able to get me in for a D&C at around 10 or 10:30 am (since I hadn't eaten anything for however many hours we didn't have to wait and they also just happened to have an opening in surgery). All this time I was pretty much numb. I don't think I really cried. I think partially because I was thinking maybe they were wrong and that it wasn't true and the baby really was okay. As I was laying on the table, all drugged up, covered in warm blankets and as they were putting me out, I started to cry. The next thing I remember is feeling like I was asleep and my back hurt very very badly. So I rolled onto my side thinking it would feel better. As I did this I heard someone talking to me & I kind of mumbled something. Then the same woman said "her blood pressure just dropped, get her off her side and back onto her back, now." The next thing I remember I was finally waking up and Matt was there sitting by me. I was still out of it & sleeping off & on. At about 5 I think, the nurses in recovery started trying to get me up and moving around. I was still bleeding pretty good. So, I'm up and heading to the bathroom to pee (ya know how nurses are about making you go before you can leave). We get there, I sit down and tell the nurse I'm not feeling too well. As things go black and I pass out I hear the nurse yell for the other nurse to come help her. Then I'm back in the bed where I started. Did you know that a D&C is an out-patient procedure? You're supposed to be able to go home afterwards and be sad and miserable in your own bed. Not me. No, I have to go to the floor and stay the night. Now in my particular hospital (don't know about yours) they have the women's center. This is where you stay if you are in the hospital for any woman specific ailment or event. Hysterectmy (sp), D&C or birth. Yup, that's right. You, Sharona have just lost your baby.....Bob, tell her what she's won....Why, a not all expense paid night on the same floor as scores of mother's who have just given birth! You can even listen to the new babies cry all night for free! So, the night sucked and I got out of there the next morning. Shortly after I got home I started looking for tattoo ideas. I had decided that I was getting one I just wasn't sure what yet. I told my husband about the idea, he wasn't real thrilled. He's not much of a tatto guy. I thought about it off and on and never really committed to doing it for multiple reasons. So, here we are a year later. We have not been able to get pregnant again yet, not too sure why. As I was laying in bed monday night at 11:30 I decided I was getting my tattoo. Angel wings on my left wrist. I told Matt my decision the next morning. He asked if I was having a crisis. More like finally dealing with it, not starting a new one. I reminded him I had been thinking about this for awhile. He said I hadn't said anything about it for quite some time. Well, yes, but I'd still been thinking about it. I was so serious that had it been possible I would have gotten out of bed at 11:31 and went and got it had there been a place open. Tuesday I called and made an appointment. The next one available? May 2nd at 10:30 am. I took it because I really didn't have much other choice. Wednesday at noon I went to look at tattoo designs & hope to talk to Lee about mine if he wasn't too busy. When I went in & was looking through stuff I heard Lee talking to the other guy about a cancellation for tomorrow (today). I asked the guy up front what time the cancellation was & if I could get in. I could and I did. At 1pm today I got my first tattoo. It totally looks better in person. I love it, it's like it was always meant to be there. Angel wings for my sweet little baby. I don't know if I was going to have a boy or a girl. I was too numb/scared to ask about it at the time and I don't know if they have any record of it. The next time I go in I'll ask (if I'm feeling brave). As far as the whole tattoo experience? LOVED IT. It didn't hurt near as much as I expected. It was fun and I would totally do it again. (thing is, I don't know that I want anymore tattoos! But the experience was fun!)