Dreams I Hate

Sometimes, I have very vivid dreams. One such type I have is when I have some weird dream about someone I know and in this dream, something happens and I am angry at this person. And when I wake up, I am still pissed at this person but I'm not really sure why. Usually within a short period of time of waking up I remember the dream & why I was mad. Then I think, silly me, it was just a dream! Yet, I still spend the rest of the day mad. And hoping I don't run into the person because although I've never yelled at that person or anything, I am usually a little short with them even while making a concious effort not to be because I know it was just a gosh darn dream.

Then, there are the dreams of old flames. There is one in particular. I remember what it feels like when we kissed. I can feel all of those old feelings. Not that I'm trying too, it just happens. Some may think, what a sweet memory of what you had. But, it's more a memory of what I couldn't have. He was married. That's about as far as it went because I knew he was married, he knew he was married. We both wanted more but it could not happen. We were friends and it went a little too far. We stopped it before anything more happened.

And, my least favorite. When something happens to my daughter. Like last nights dream. I can't remember all the details up the the worst part. But, I remember going in to a hospital and Faith was bleeding. A lot. Gushing blood from the upper left side of her chest and I was standing at her head, with my hands over where she was bleeding from and putting pressure on it, trying to get it to stop. And Faith was just lying there, motionless and quiet. All pale. Then as soon as someone in the hospital got the bleeding to stop, she started bleeding from the upper right side of her chest and so I had my hands over that. Then finally they made me get out of the way and I was just standing there, watching her bleed and probably die. I woke up crying and scared. Heck, I've started crying as I'm tying this. The image of your daughter bleeding and dying is hard to get out of your head, even if it is only a dream.

And, one of the joys of being pregnant, you have crazy ass dreams. So, these types of dreams are more vivid and more often now.